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How to get rid of an abusive husband??? My friend lives in her house with her 2nd husband????

He abuses her mentally. Hardly talks to her, treats her like an idiot, which she is not. Refuses to go for councelling. They have been married or 8 years. She has to cook and clean and work. No one to help her, least of all him. For days he ignores her. She is at breaking point, and has no money. What to do??? Where to go??? How to get him out without legal consequences??? I do not know....can anyone help???? She is here with me and she is slowly but surely breaking up.

She does not want to leave the house. It is hers. Scared he will get hold of it.

She tells me now, that she has a tape made by his first wife on which she talks exactly about all the things happening to her at the moment. He has also drawn a gun on her sun...don't know why. He seems mentally unstable to me. He is horrible for weeks, and suddenly for a day or to your original ray of sunshine!!!!

Unquiet, it is not his house....it is utterly, name an deeds, hers. Wonder if that changes anything. They are married O.C.P. which states that the house is hers.

Francois, I appreciate your words. Her son is a married man of 35 who lives in Pretoria. He did this a year ago when the son tried to reason with him. I promise you, he suffers no trauma at all. Just hates the man. They do not talk at all.

Also Francois, she is nearly 60 years old. Losing her house now, would be devistating. She does not have an income, will not get one from him, and where in hell would she find work? You have just jumped into this conversation. I appreciate that you do not know the circumstances fully, but a word of advice from me, 62 years old, keep a reign on it....be more gentle. This poor woman is losing all self respect. At her age life is not that easy. She is in the hands of a madman. I also think he needs help, but refuses to see any one. When they are at home, he goes on his merry way, making a much of everything, doing exactly what he wants to, all the while, not speaking a word to her. He has this strange grimace. He knows exactly what he is doing. Destroying a woman.
61 mths ago

Best Answer

If I didn't know better I would think she was married to my ex. How terrible for your friend Alicia I have been in her situation . At the end of the day , I was the one who had to move because unless he is actually physically violent and harms her , he cannot be put out of his house. The best she can do is file for a divorce and apply for interum maintenance immediately. Her husband will be forced by law to pay her expenses . Just tell her to GET OUT , because it does detroy you and it take a long time to heal . Believe me , the peace of mind she will have in just being away from him will far outweigh her financial worries and the law really will untimately take care of her ! It took me years to finally leave because I was so afraid but once I did it , I wondered what on earth had stopped me before , Once she leaves she will find the reality is not half as frightening as the thought of it.

61 mths ago

Answers -

Can't she come and stay with you for a while until she made up her mind? She need to be away from him to make a concrete decision..

61 mths ago

She seems in a bad place, and I wish her peace and happiness. Unfortunately, I can only see legal consequences for her way out - the bottom line is that she either stay with him, seperate (difficult if no money/family to take care of her), or divorce. Those are the legal options. For illegal options......she could always plead the battered wife syndrome, but the legal ways will definately cause her less grief and headache - last thing she needs is to do anything brash that will get her in prison.

61 mths ago

Unfortunately, part of the modus operandi of an emotional and verbal abuser is to diminish the self-esteem of his victim to the point where she feels helpless and feels like she has no options. The only way to gather enough courage to divorce him, is to spend time away from him without any contact. Can a shelter help with that (POWA?)? And then she needs to get legal advice - the only, well, legal way, is the legal way. Get a restraining order, and sue the bastard's ass.

61 mths ago

If the house is still being paid off and is in her name there is nothing he can do unless he buys it from her, if it is in her name or trust and was left to her as inheritance then he won't be able to take it from her either. As a friend let her move in with you and take what ever evidence you have against him to the police and make a cause against him. below is a web site that you or her can access to get info on how to help her stopping this abuse.

Source: http://www.safe4all.org

61 mths ago

He sounds like a manic depresive. Very diificult. She could do something about his pointing a gun at someone. On a lighter side, if you contact Bushbaby on spaces, she will give you a few recipes for poison melktert. She told me, on spaces, that she has done this a few times before.

61 mths ago

NO ONE SHOULD TOLORATE ABUSE, WHY IS SHE STILL WITH THIS PUNK AFTER 8 YEARS? TELL HER TO TRY LEGAL AID JUSTICE FOR ALL www.legal-aid.co.za I HOPE SHE COMES RIGHT !!

61 mths ago

Alicia, speak to mary and find out where she got some of the rat poison they ased to kill the rats in her building,.....that should eradicate the problem....permanently!!!

61 mths ago

I cannot believe this, everybody is giving advice about her house and how to poison the husband. How pathetic are you for allowing your husband to draw a gun on your son! What did you do when it happened? Can you imagine what trauma your son went through that moment when it happened? Turned your back it seems as you want to save your precious house. Pray to God that there is not a reply of this situation, because hubby may just pull the trigger by accident! God has given you common sense woman and that includes your friend too. You could have been out of this situation if you cared enough for your son, if you went to the police and laid a charge and had your son giving a statement of what has happened. Above it all you have a tape from the previous wife explaining to you what monster he is. Let me tell you, you are actually the monster for allowing to happen what is happening. You are a sucker for punishment and the writer, please your friend does not know what breaking point is! There is no excuse for being pathetic, selfish and clinging to materialistic things when your son is living a life of hell. Have you ever think of the fear your son lives in? I think your friend has munchauser by proxy. Meaning that she loves to be seen as this battered woman who thrives on sympathy. Go and stand infront of your precious little brick idol (house) and answer one question honestly to yourself : "Do I deserve to fight for this hell-hole?" The choice is yours to turn your back and take your son to the police and tell them you are the emotionally battered woman who only had the guts today to give a statement about yourself and the trauma your son went through. Your problem will be solved in minutes. Otherwise go back into your little house and appreciate being a sucker for punishment.

61 mths ago

I would start with a visit to a lawyer and a restraining order. Had that in my life once, and the friend went back to the husabnd, and today she doesn't talk to me at all. She's still with him. Assist where you can but don't let it consume you. Good luck.

61 mths ago

Francois, with all due respect, you need to have been in the situation that this poor woman is before you are qualified to comment. There are no words to describe the horror, the terror, the incapacitation. Temper your arguments a bit, until you speak from personal experience. Judge not lest ye be judged.

61 mths ago

I think your friend should follow the legal advice given. I however just want to add the following: The fact that he drew the gun on your son - you should have immediatly made a case of "threatening with a firearm" and you could have been a witness. I believe your son told you to ignore it, and you were ashamed that "What will people think of me, my son and my husband." But you know it is a dangerous thing he did and it would be so convenient if he got a slip and shot you or your son. We had a neighbour who told our other neighbour he was going to shoot my hubby. My hubby did not want to make a case, but a couple of months later the said neighbour's friend shot himself with that gun. Now if someone threatens another person with a gun, i am sure once a case is opened the police has to confiscate that gun (to prevent a crime). Alicia I think your friend must also make out a will stating that her children inherit all she has - in case her husband gets "ideas" as how to get her house. Does not sound like he has anything himself. Even if she gets no maintenance once they divorce she has her house that she can always make some money from. I really think if he treats her this badly, she must divorce him and then at least she will have freedom and sanity. The emotional abuser is a slick one and people do not often see their ways, I am not too sure he might not physically harm her too. Please get your friend to follow the advice please.

61 mths ago

Your friend must fight for whats rightfully hers and that includes her sanity. Fight woman!! Enough already!! The bastard must be thrown out, get an interdict against him, life is too short to spend it under the power of this mindless cretin who insults the very word husband. And let this be a lesson to all other women who are allowing this to be the standard they set for themselves when they accept this kind of inexcusable treatment from boyfriends and so called husbands... place a higher value on yourself and what you expect from a partner.

61 mths ago

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